Choose Your Background

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5


The annual contest to choose a new concessions item at Fifth Third Ballpark is underway."WhiteFanposts Fanshots Sections Detroit Tigers AnalysisDetroit Tigers Prospect NotebookDetroit Tigers Game ThreadsDetroit Tigers NewsDetroit Tigers Podcasts#TigerBitesThe Whitecaps are offering up a fresh assault on your tastebuds againNew ,14commentsThe annual contest to choose a new concessions item at Fifth Third Ballpark is underway.ESTShareTweetShareShareThe Whitecaps are offering up a fresh assault on your tastebuds againThe one person in the ballpark I hope my kid never findsTommy Gilligan-USA TODAY SportsLast spring, when the West Michigan Whitecaps presented the internet with the opportunity to select one menu item to be included in their concessions during the 2018 season, I was given the opportunity to review the offerings. While I like to think it was because of my depth of knowledge and experience in all things culinary — I know what sous-vide is, what Guy Fieri’s trademark sayings are, and I’ve eaten at some of the finest Taco Bells across this great land — the fact of the matter is that our fearless leader asked if anyone felt like writing something about the subject and I was the guy who said yes [Ed.: It was definitely John’s depth of Guy Fieri knowledge].Little did I know that I would have the opportunity to return for a second review of what the Whitecaps are telling us is food — yes, the contest is back in 2019.As was the case last year, I will point out that I have not eaten any of these dishes, nor do I intend to. My review here is based entirely on photographic depictions and the written descriptions — ones that combine words the English language never intended to couple. If you would like to make your voice heard you can examine the candidates and cast your vote here.The Cow-A-Bunga BurgerWhat I would call it: A Gross Misuse of IngredientsThe first entry in the contest is described as a follows.Aloha is a great word to use here. A popular Hawaiian greeting, aloha also means “goodbye,” which is what one would be saying to their kidney function after dining on a sandwich that I can only assume is saltier than Brian McCann after he witnesses someone breaking an unwritten rule of baseball. Spam, pineapple Jose Peraza Jersey , and bacon. If this were a pizza, I would give it a hard Maybe. I can’t endorse this being done to a cheeseburger.Deep Fried JellybeansWhat I would call it: How to Make a Bad Thing WorseSweet baby Jesus, take me now. These are pretty straightforward, but here’s your description.It’s a good thing they included their parenthetical hot take, because that’s what this whole thing is: a culinary hot take. Hot takes, like this entry, are rarely good, and always poorly thought out. Have you ever eaten a jelly bean and thought to yourself, “You know what this needs? Batter and hot oil!” Me neither.Fried TequicklesWhat I would call it: Fried Pickles“Tequickles” is just vague enough to give you an idea of what you could be eating, while still sounding like the name one of my drunk college roommates gave to a street cat he found on the way home from a night out in Cancun on spring break. Here’s how they describe this one (the food, not the cat):First of all , “Worms not included?” Sometimes less is more. This is one of those times. This is a deep fried pickle with a clever name and a dipping sauce that is bound to be disappointing if it forces you to taste tequila without benefiting from the alcoholic effects. Take away the sauce and it’s still a deep fried pickle. This is something I have enjoyed and would continue to do so.Marge’s Donut SundaeWhat I would call it: Marge’s Donut SundaeThis particular dish is named for Marge’s Donut Den in Wyoming Michigan, which has to be the most on brand Midwestern name for an ice cream parlor I’ve seen in my time on this Earth. Here’s what you will be ingesting if fate guides you to the ballpark and then decided that donuts and ice cream were a necessity.I wouldn’t be so quick to eschew the need for a mask. Specifically, the one that the paramedics would affix to your face to deliver oxygen to your system after the 3,000 calories in this dish finally put up the road closed sign on the last functional artery away from your heart seems like it might be something you will want to have available.But it would certainly be a delicious way to send yourself to the nearest trauma center.OinkurritoWhat I would call it: PedestrianThis is like a family cookout wrapped in a tortilla, which seems appropriate for a ballpark food. It’s actually a pretty normal offering, especially when stacked up against the rest of the field.River RascalWhat I would call it: Punish Your Taste BudsIt’s a hot dog that has seen some things.What aren’t they putting on this dog? This thing looks like someone made a recipe out of the leftover food they found in their kid’s car seat after a cross country road trip.Rocky BalburritoWhat I would call it: Cheese Mis-SteakEntry number two in the burrito themed division is here.I moved to Philadelphia in 2009, and have sampled the finest cheesesteaks the city has to offer. One thing I know is that the further you move away from downtown Philadelphia, the more lackluster a cheesesteak becomes. It’s science. The fact that this is being offered as a burrito does not go a long way to instill confidence. I’m sure it’s fine, but it has a Hot Pocket-y feel to it. While I’m told I will feel like a champ when I’m finished, this puts out more of a brother-in-law Paulie vibe.Tidal WaveWhat I would call it: The Fuzzy Confetti LogThe third and final entry in the burrito themed division.I’m impressed that they managed to work the word healthy into any of these descriptions, and in a context that is correct. Anything rolled in blue cotton candy is a no for me Matt Harvey Jersey , personally. Putting that aside, your diet isn’t the only thing you are waving goodbye to when you sink your teeth into this. I’ll let you compile your own lists.Twinkie the PigWhat I would call it: GloriousClever name for this one, and I admire the simplicity.This strikes me as the kind of thing I would have put together out of what was laying around my apartment in college. Despite my misgivings about everything else on the list, I’m here for this bacon-wrapped Twinkie. This one sits solidly in my wheelhouse.Unicorn PopcornWhat I would call it: If Care Bears Were FoodThis is one dish that I’m pretty sure is going to look almost the same coming back up 40 minutes after you eat it as it did when you made the decision to O.D. on sugar and food coloring.Despite my opinions of the contenders on this years ballot, I must say that concessions make ballgames interesting. West Michigan has once again raised the bar on the types of crazy concoctions you may have the opportunity to dump down your throat, and if you can’t eat stuff like this at a baseball game, I don’t know where else you’re going to do it. Whichever one of these wins out, go ahead when you’re out at the park and treat yo’ self. You deserve it. CLEVELAND (AP) — Free agent outfielder Cameron Maybin and the Cleveland Indians have agreed to a minor league contract.Maybin, who turns 32 next week, hit .163 with one RBI in 48 plate appearances during spring training with the San Francisco Giants, who released him on March 23. The Indians Scott Schebler Jersey , who remain somewhat unsettled in their outfield, announced the deal Friday and assigned him to Triple-A Columbus.A first-round pick by Detroit in 2005, Maybin split last season between Miami and Seattle. He batted .249 with four home runs, 28 RBIs and 10 stolen bases over 129 games. He played on Houston’s World Series championship team in 2017.Maybin gives Cleveland some depth and another potential option early in the season as manager Terry Francona tries different outfield combinations. In Thursday’s season opener, Jake Bauers started in left, Leonys Martin in center and Tyler Naquin in right.The Indians are rebuilding their outfield after choosing not to re-sign All-Star Michael Brantley, Lonnie Chisennall and others. The club is also waiting for Bradley Zimmer to return from shoulder surgery that limited him to 34 games last season.

Forum Jump:

Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)